不知道

我真的不知道...真的开始觉得你变得越来越陌生了。
是我想太多了吗?我真的不知道...我也真的很希望是我想多了。
不知是我多疑了，在我眼中的你，开始变得忽冷忽热。
的确，你很多时候还是很温柔体贴的，那让我感到非常非常的窝心。
让我觉得我很幸运的拥有你这么一位爱我，疼我的男人。
可是，当你稍有一点的改变，变得对我冷淡，我就不知所措了。
刚才陪我走回宿舍的你，是多么的陌生和令我感到害怕。
害怕着是不是因为我又在你面前做了你不喜欢的 “那件事”，而令到你觉得闷闷不乐，甚至生气我？当时，我的脑袋一片空白，我真的怕说多错多，应该说无论我说什么，你还是一样会讨厌我做“那件事”。我知道我说什么，都是徒然。
对不起，我知道你的心情，可是我又一次次的重蹈复辙。
除了对不起，还是对不起。
从一开始，你就告诉了我，我根本不会是你要找的女朋友。
到了这一刻，我真的在想了，我会不会真的不适合你呢?
这个想法太恐怖了，可是在我们一次又一次的吵架过后，这想法就变得越来越真实，越来越常出现在我的脑袋。
在刚才你那淡淡的一句“晚安” 后，我连原本要亲口对你说“我爱你”的勇气都没有了。
冲忙地回了一声的“晚安”，我就快快地进宿舍，因为，那时，我已经难过得想哭出来了。
就为了“那件事”，你连说“我爱你”也不想了吗?
看了你给我简短的信息，我的心真的跌到了最低地。
那么的一封信息，杀伤力竟是如此的强。
看得我的心好痛，好痛。
我终于明白当你看到我给的简短信息是什么滋味了...对不起。
可是我可以肯定是...你的感受一定没有我现在那么难受。
我真的不知该怎么办了?我已经快忘记了那个无论在什么时候都会先想到我，在乎我的ciwawa了...告诉我，我应该怎么办?
我一直不断的安慰自己，想着你也是人，你也有情绪的。或许再多一会，你就会打给我，温柔的安慰我，叫我不要多想。可是，一分钟，五分钟，十分钟，你的电话还是没来。
我一直一直安慰自己，可能你也在冷静中。
可是，真的不能。
不好的想法一直缠绕在我脑海和心里，压得我真的快喘不过气了。我真的快崩溃了。
拜托，不要这样对我好吗?我承受不起。我没有你想象中的坚强!

以前的你，变得越来越模糊了。
现在的你对我来说，真的很陌生。
人，真的变得很快，我是；你也是。
我知道我不能怪你的。
我只能怪自己。

I'm sucks in pretending happy while I'm sad

It's late and I still awake.

Tried to sleep but cannot...Mood so down until sleep also susah!? Hell yeah...

I know that you already told me so many times that I shouldn't be so emotional...

Maybe until you sendiri will also sien to talk about it, who knows?

You always try hard to cheer me up when I was down, but you know that, sometimes I need to pretending happy, and smile to you when actually I'm sad. I know that I shouldn't let you worry about me so much, that's why i choose to pretend.sometimes. 

Sometimes you really can cheer me up, I have to say thank you to you, for being so care about me.

But, when I force myself to cheer up in front of you while actually I'm NOT, everytime are also the hardest times for me, you know? 

Don't feel sad and angry about yourself for being not so 体贴 after read this post. You should know the reason  why I wanted to do like that. The reason was simple, just because I don't want you to worry about me. I know that when I was moody, you sure will bother and think out so many ways to just try to make me happy back again.

Sometimes, even you lame jokes doesn't work so much, but i really can feel the care from you heart, that's why...I CHOOSE TO PRETEND CHEER UP ADY.

You know that I'm an emotional queen and I won't be able to cheer up and happy again easily after i get moody. Sometimes I will feel sad about....you said you understand me, and I believe I told you before, sometimes, when i get moody, i prefer to cool down alone without saying anything, I just need some times to refresh myself. Sometimes, I prefer you to say to me "Dear, don't moody anymore, I will be by your side silently until you finish cool down and face to me while a cheerful smile again." 

I'M SUCKS IN PRETENDING HAPPY WHILE I'M ACTUALLY SAD. 

Please try to understand me, this is the way how I am.

I know emotional is not a good thing, and I know I should change it. But, this is part of my personality, I can't change it easily since it already follow me from the day i was born.

You dislike emo-type girl, I knew it before we being together, If i continue my emotional again and again...I was worrying and wondering....will you feel sien and start hate me? soon or late? This is the thing I never know, even you said you won't, but we are human, we can never know what's gonna happen on next....

That's why I dislike to let you come to find me when I'm MOODY. I just need times to cool down myself. And the next day, face to you or talk to you with a cheerful smile and voice.

I'm sorry that I'm an emo girl.