SORRY is the only word I have now

I need to say sorry to you at here,sorry for make you disappointed and sad.
If there is one more chance to me, I wont let this happened.
But now,it's already happened and no matter how regret I am, It's still exist.
I have done something that you hate the most and lied to you for such as long time.


But I need you to know that......

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you might just can't accept the other face of me. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. I really never plan to lie to you. But, do you know, It's really hard to tell you the truth that you might hate me because of the TRUTH. Because i care about you, care about your feeling.AND....scare that you might leave me because of this. I really wish to tell you by my mouth that how I love you, how I need you in my life,and how much i want you. But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside. Because I'm not well express my feeling in LOVE.

I know that love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. But I really scare to let you know all of me,I always wish to show my perfect side to you even though the inside of me is ugly. I scare that you're not willing to be with me anymore if you know that who am I.

Please forgive me that I'm not enough trust you,even myself.

I know that love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. But do you know how much courage I need to tell you the truth when I know that you're fully trusting me all the time? I feel so guilty when every time I face to you and fail to tell you. I'm loser.


When I know that you realize the truth by yourself. I'm so ashamed and guilty.
I can understand that you are sad, angry of me, disappointed on me.
I really know how hard those feelings are.
Now, I'm not expect that you can fully forgive me. 
Because,trust is like a vase... once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.
Even you said that you can forgot those things and never look into once again...but,there is still a scar inside your heart, even mine.
No one can truly trust the people who's lie on them once. In the deep side of their heart, they still will always think that the people might lie on them again. 

Do you really can truly trust me once again?


If you can't, it means that our relationship is out of trust.
A relationship with no trust, that isn't called LOVE anymore.


I'm so shock that when you told me you're viewed my privacy by not tell me.
At first, I'm very angry.But slowly, the emotion change to sad and disappointed.


I'm so sad that I can't give the 100% 安全感 to you.
If you have enough 安全感 from me,these things will definitely not happen.
This all my fault, I really hide so much things from you for just to care how you look me.
I'm too selfish.


I'm too disappointed on myself. 
I really didn't realized how much you worried and til you do that, I only know that you didn't trust me at all.
It's my fault that can't make you fully trusting me.
And the fact is....I really got so much things hide from you.
So I can't truly angry of what you have done, but i also cannot forget those things in a short time.
Because it's really a big impact for me.
I don't know whether I can face to you  naturally or not....every time face to you, It always remind me how UGLY I am.


Once again,SORRY. 
I failed your trust.